Saturday, December 1, 2007

Haider's Beowulf Review

My bud Haider's stoned out Beowulf Review

This was written to me in an email and is presented un-edited

STOP press!!!...fuqing stop mushy, BB and n.sharif fighting amongst each other cuz beowulf 3d is here......and it has truly blown me away....bloody hell...suls if there's one thing u should do before u die its watch beowulf 3d at ur nearest IMAX cinema....
even though its been out since 2 weeks but i just saw it yesterday and it fuqing literally blew me away.....i never knew man had made so much progress in 3d films....fuqing awesome, mind-blowing literally blows u away.....this is dragon slaying taken to another level mate......god it was good...even though i had stoned my brains out before watching it....i was literally gasping alongwith the rest of the audience at the effects....they really were something....and the monsters....bloody hell i'll have to see again it again today....i still cant believe what i saw yeasterday night has literally blown me away....i wasnt prepared for it
and before u think i'm a big fan of such commercial, high -budget movies please bear in mind that i have worked for odeon cinemas for almost a year now and so far i have only watched 4 movies..thats 4 in a year and yes i am free to watch as many movies at any time as i want and can bring along 4 free guests per month....
this is '300' meets 'conan' meets ancient nordic legends directed by a fuqing new favourite movie of all times.....and the only and i mean the ONLY movie i have ever watched where the fuqing demon is actually scary...not some fuqing cartoon...but a real violent scary
freak...brilliant...5 stars...the new benchmark....
but then again a lot of my colleagues dont agree with me and say it was only average so maybe i really was stoned silly but still some parts are downright unbelievable and the dragon slaying bit ..mate i wasn't the only one ducking and diving all over the cinema...there was others as well...and some bits were downright embarrasing where i felt i was the only who literally jumped out of his seat at the chilling left me gasping for breath need i say more...
take ur wife and child out this weekend to ur nearest IMAX....i'm sure sheikh whatever bin whoever owns a fuqing IMAX near u as even India has got fuqing 3 or 4.....and no i havent seen 'chota chetan' which was the first ever bollywood 3d film but i'm sure it didnt have the budget or the expertise that was available to beowulf...magnificent
watch the trailer at:
and read the reviews...they're hilarious
but be warned...what u see is certainly not what u get in this case....this is a film specifically developed for the imax 3d system and watching it on a normal cinema screen or worse a pc will prompt u to say' "what the hell was he on about?"
so suls forget the fact that its got angelina jolie in it and just fuqing watch it...i guarantee u 110% it will leave u breathless....
man there's something here ...have u ever seen me praise a film so much???....i was even fuqing dreaming in 3d yesterday night and today before the cinema had even opened i was there to watch it again....its such a different experience.....and the scenery and the was just like a dream.........finally some imaginative cunt has set a story in a land far, far away where slaying monsters (or 'muns-therz' in the old saxon
accent) is the order of the day....and the accent is surely the best bit of the movie.....authentic 5 stars mate

Burzukh - Industrial City (2004)

Burzukh_Industrial City
Industrial Dream Rock

36.21 MB

Recorded : Jubail Industrial City, Saudi Arabia, 2004

This is cold and dark and a bit too slick for Burzukh, but neverthless a recommended listen....

A lot of substances (yep, in saudia !!) and alienation went into making this.....enjoy fuckers!!!

Zia gets whacked on INLAND EMPIRE


you expect a david lynch film to be strange and wierd, this film gives you strange and wierd in generous proportions. you wont really form an overwhelingly strong love or hate emotion to the film. in the last mail i used the word magnum opus in an off the cuff manner but guess what. it really is. he channels motes from all of his established films here. from the electric wierdness of eraserhead to emotional intensity of blue velvet to disturbingly colorful charachters from wild at heart to red curtained dreamscapes in twin peaks to the depravity and sexual tention of lost highway and slef awareness of mullholland drive. to say the film is self refrential is an understatement. the film in construct is obtuse, labrynthine and in way over the top narcisstic. the film no doubt is an ego trip for lynch but i guess he has earned it over the years. and yet there are just a couple of things that didnt work for me in the film. a sideplot set in poland and in polish, (with polish subtitles, so that doesnt help much) scenes that go on and on just for the sake of going on , meta over artistic high rbow stuff sprinkled here and there, and elements taken from hardboiled soaps. so many irrelevencies that in my boredom i skipped them (yes i shoulkd have more patience) but it stil works. this film has some of the most trippiest sequences i have ever seen and some of the most unsettling and scariest. and boy is laura dern a fine actor. the performance itself blows u away and this isnt a tagline from any other tom dick harry film review. nothing of what i say here is. as an added treat david lynch gives two of his own songs in the soundtrack. and if u have read about the film already there is the rabbit sitcom connection in the film which starts off as an uneasy surreal distraction but builds up to something else yet remaimning a distraction.
i was getting bored of lynch and didnt quiet as much revel in lost highway and mullholland drive as i shud have had but dang he's the mannn. u owe urself to see this film cheekoo and yeh guess who else is on the soundtrack...Beck?! (maybe u saw it coming from odelay)

Movie Reveiws by my Freind Zia (urf Cheeko)

Khuda kay liye is a substandard film. Its not really the kind of film that merits critical attention or if that is not important for some ppl dismissing it as an irriation the film simply fails to lodge a place inside of us as should all good films. demonizing american authority (the american imposition) after 9/11 isnt exactly the most original of ideas. as for the honest portryal of pathans, by the same token we have seen plenty of these portrayals on good ol PTV. the brutal interrogation of the shan charachter (aptly named mansoor) is not as much as a liberal and frank and balanced view of interogation methods as it is sensational call for sympathy for the proud eastern hero (a part and parcel of our heroworshipping heritage) Shoib mansoor goes a bit more on than assigning his name to the hero , in his website he refers to the falling out he had with juniad jamshed over the same argument shan and his brother (not named jamshed) had in the film which in turn inspired the film. 9/11 is a topical subject that is hard not to get away from. just that everyone's making a film bout it even someone from bhutan or peru but a pakistani til now is .....not really an occasion to rejoice. other than that the girl from england mainplot/sideplot is soooo derivative, i'm sure it happens but ptv dramas of all kinds have already mined the topic and now we get a cinematic depiction.
where i charachtersitcially flinched at most of the (make it all) songs from the soundtrack, i admit the score was something of a rarity, sparse and atonal. the photopgraphy was impressive as well save for the sepia tinged look reserved for the pakistan portions of the film. the courtroom scene went on and on and on and on and with shah jee (read nasiruddin shah) coming off as the good maulvi to rashd naz's bad maulvi lecturing and lecturing, always a deathnail for any film. though he justified booze to an extenet (or maybe that was my selective interpretation) the characthter made some good points properly refrencing, just feel that particual scene was heavyhanded and at6tempted to justify all the undoings happen ing til that moment throughout the film in one big scene. cinema's way of giving us easy answers.
rashid naz was excelent though giving equal measures of soft spoken charm and unsettling threat so commonly associated with charismatic maulvis. shan managed to put a bit just a bit of proper restraint and that girl was just plain aweful, being sexy helps a little but not much in a "meaningful" film. other good actors were underused, ayub khosa was only given one scene and one expression. wtf
though the film with all its apparent failings has managed to do one thing that no other pakistani film, including jionaah has ever done. it has generated polarized opinions and sparked off a debate. i sure hope this launches way for other pakistani films that womnt be labeled lollypollywood.
and lastly, before i had seen the film, just by reading the synopsis of the film i had already declared the film to be an apologetic excersice on part of pakistan on the 9/11 fiasco. so maybe that was undue but watching the film only strengthened my criticism. the good pakistani boy shan is beaten to the brow and yet he declares his love for usa chalking it through his dingy cell. with all the beatings and abuse and humilaition and the stench of piss it only takes the vile abomination and loathing of swinemeat to make him love usa-ma. last straw some wud say.. puh-leeez